Journey to the Good Place.

Know yourself. Love yourself.

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Patience Please!

I’m currently in the process of transferring this blog from to here! Beautiful lovely home to some of my favorite bloggers.

Now, the PLAN was to just transfer the whole thing in one fell swoop but that hasn’t been working out quite as planned. I’ve been really busy lately and it’s just been slow goings.

Right now I have the first few entries I made and the most recent few entries I’ve made with a HUGE middle chunk missing. I promise I’ll get it up as soon as I can, but in the meantime, just in case anyone should happen to take a look at this blog, I want them to be clear that I didn’t just stop writing for months…it’s a work in progress…please be patient.

LittleSpastic Out.


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Hello all,

Time is ticking down to the day I leave. And far more pressing is the approach of the day my boy leaves (almost a full month sooner than myself). I have two separate to-do lists: one for the military and one for home.

My home one needs to be done before my boy leaves because he’s going to be taking all of our stuff with him to drop off at the homes of my and his fathers and the plan is that when he takes all that stuff, the only things that will be left in the house will be the stuff I’m taking with me out of the country. So, I need to get every single thing in this house, down to the last thumbtack, organized into piles of what’s coming with me, what’s going with him, what’s going to our Fathers’ houses, and what’s going in the trash…and then I need to pack everything that’s not going in the trash, and then I need to clean the entire house…all before he leaves…which is soon.

My military list, on the other hand, doesn’t have to be done until I leave but I want to get it done as soon as possible because the military has an amazing talent for taking totally simple and quick processes and turning them into a giant disaster that takes months.

So, although I would like to (and really need to) focus ALL my attention on my home stuff, since that needs to be done first, due to the fact that the United States Military is (for lack of a better term without adding another paragraph or two of explanation on here) kinda fucked, I am forced to do both things at once in order to give the military ample time to lose shit, file shit wrong, write shit down wrong, send shit to the wrong place, try to find shit, forget about shit for a couple weeks until I come in and remind them, finally find shit, send shit to the RIGHT place this time, and finally get shit taken care and let me take a deep breath of relief just in time to remember to tell me about some other shit that I was supposed to do months ago that no one ever bothered to mention and now I have to jump out my ass to take care of that shit….

*sigh* These people make me a little crazy…

Anyway, the subject of this blog is self-improvement and the title of this entry is Momentum, so I should probably get to talking about those.

As you can see above, I have a whole lot of crazy shit on my plate, and right now the biggest challenge I’m facing is keeping my momentum going and my positive mental attitude in place.  Every day when I get home from work, I have the choice to either relax and take a breather, or work on some of the obnoxious amounts of stuff I have to do. Usually I’m really stressed out and exhausted so I REALLY want to just sit and relax.

If I DO sit and relax, I’m going to be in a much better mood and be able to have a nice cozy relaxing night with my boy make some nice happy cozy love love memories before I have to leave and not see him for a long time, which is good. But then the next day I’m going to be thinking about all the stuff I could have gotten done instead of relaxing which is going to make me stressed out and panicky which is going to cause me to be stressed out and exhausted when I get home the next day, starting the whole process all over again.

On the other hand if I come home and get to work despite how badly I don’t want to, I will get some work done so I’ll have one less thing to be stressed out about the next day, but on that particular night I will be very unhappy and cranky and probably yell at my boy or just generally be an unpleasant person which makes for bad memories for both of us to carry around while we’re separated which doesn’t bode very well for our long distance relationship.

It’s a constant juggling act with productivity versus happiness and it’s enough to make me just want to throw up my hands and drop the whole thing so it’s a struggle every day to just keep my momentum going and not stop moving. Just like when you’re trying to get better at running: it doesn’t matter how fast you’re going or how well you’re doing, just so long as you don’t stop moving, no matter what (at least so I’m told).

LittleSpastic Out.

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Back to square one…

It has long been my dream to build my own little ecosystem. I want to buy a piece of land and on it have a garden where I would grow all the fruits and vegetables and nuts I would ever want so I would never have to buy anything from the store ever again.

This dream started as a response to my Father’s conspiracy theories, my Grandfather’s rants about how nothing in the grocery store was safe to eat anymore due to pesticides and hormones,  and my own understanding (even as a small child) that humanity’s actions could only lead to the destruction of the world. I decided that the only way to live safely in this world was to grow everything myself. This dream changed over the years, adopting further dimension from my fascination and love for the history of the native Americans, and gaining determination from my desire to “Save Mother Earth” by taking no more than I was willing to give back (or in my case, take no more than I had already put there to begin with). And now, thanks to my interaction with the All OrganicWhole Foods crowd, I am finally gaining the know-how and motivation to put it into practice.

Along the road to achieving my goal, I’ve hit a few potholes. The first problem spot was when I witnessed a cow being butchered at a classmate’s farm and realized (while watching the blood pour onto the ground and just before I blacked out) that I would never be able to kill an animal for meat. I considered becoming a vegetarian (and I’m still considering it) but I had a close friend who was a vegetarian and therefore got to witness first hand what a pain it could be to always have to warn people before you come over for dinner and always have to request special meals in the lunch room. Also, pasta just doesn’t feel right without some sort of meat mixed in.

I solved that problem with fish. Now, I totally consider fish valid living creatures with souls and lives and I am 100% against them being killed needlessly…but for some reason I have no problem picking one up and smacking it’s head against a rock and then roasting it over a fire and then picking the meat off it’s bones while it’s lifeless eyes stare back at me.  Fish is the only creature I have no problem killing with my own two hands. I don’t even like killing squirrels or bugs…I don’t know why this is, and I’m trying very hard not to question it. There’s a food out there that’s full of good staying-alive nutrients and isn’t terribly hard to cultivate that I’m not only okay with eating, I’m totally excited to eat it! Fish is, like, one of my top 5 foods, it even rivals chocolate. Maybe it’s my cat-like personality? Whatever.

Anyway, pothole two arrived when I realized how much room a cow needs. Especially when you consider that my animal indulgent tendencies would demand that I get said cow a friend/boyfriend so it wouldn’t be lonely (and/or to make little baby cows before the mommy cow died of old age…or for steaks). It occurred to me that a much simpler plan would be to get goats and drink goat milk. Problem solved, right? But first I must try goat’s milk to make sure it was something I would be okay with drinking every day for the rest of my life. So I set off on my quest to buy Goat’s Milk.

I was very puzzled by how difficult it is to find goat’s milk in any grocery store, and also by the fact that, upon finding it at last, there was only one brand and it came in all sorts of strange fruity flavors (blueberry flavored milk? really?). However, after buying the only available bottle of plain flavored goat’s milk, and upon trying a small sip of said milk, it all became clear. Answer: Goat’s milk has the exact same taste as a tub of all natural plain yogurt I threw away immediately after opening it a few weeks back because I as convinced it was bad. This milk is brand new, so I would hope it’s not bad. It just tastes like crap. And the blueberry flavoring totally makes sense now. Immediately after taking my first sip I started looking around for something I could mix it with to make it taste better.

Looks like I’m buying a cow.

LittleSpastic Out.

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Living Au Natural in a Synthetic Plastic World.

Lately I’ve been on a serious all-natural kick. My shampoo is all natural, my face wash and lotion is all natural…aaaaand that’s all I’ve gotten to so far. I really wish everything in my home was 100% natural and made with ingredients I RECOGNIZE. No isopropyl and propylene glycol. What the fuck are those?

But it’s just really hard to live all natural in the united states…especially when you’re forced to live in the city because of your job and you’re broke and crummy over-processed crap is way cheaper than all natural goodness.

My dream? Live on a little farm somewhere with enough room for a garden big enough to grow all my own fruits and vegetables (and maybe even my own wheat for flour), a couple chickens for my own eggs, and a cow (or goat) for my own milk.

In the meantime, I’m just going to have to do as well as I can with what’s available to me. I’m really excited to be leaving the country because I won’t be spending money on rent or utilities and will be able to save up some extreme amounts of dough. Then when I get back I plan to get a much cheaper place than the one I’m in right now to continue saving. So hopefully I’ll be able to afford all those nice fruits and vegetables.

And while I’m out-of-country I’m going to go ahead and try to start getting myself in the “au natural” groove. I’ll be putting one of my friends in charge of care packages with a monthly allowance. She’s really into all natural stuff to and knows way more about it than I do. She’s also in the same situation I am with the poverty and forced urban living so I trust her to pick out stuff that’s not only all natural, but also stuff I really need and can use. Also she’s a girl with amazing taste in all things cute and nifty so I trust her care packages to be not only useful but also fun and uplifting.

LittleSpastic Out.

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Out of the country self-improvement plan.


Keep myself isolated from all the things that distract me (friends, family issues, internet, tv, games) and use this opportunity to do all the things I keep saying I’m going to do and then coming up with excuses not to.

I plan to use the internet only enough to keep in touch with family and keep up with my blog and I’m going to spend the rest of my time doing things to better myself, things I’ve been wanting to do for years, such as:

1) Learn to play guitar.

2) Finish writing a book (I’ve got enough of them started I should be able to finish AT LEAST one).

3) Write in my blog EVERY DAY, no more fucking excuses.

4) Exercise EVERY DAY. Make it a routine to the point I get addicted and can’t function without it.

5) Eat healthy. I need to find out about access to fruits and vegetables, but the plan is to start having smoothies for most of my meals. And not Jamba Juice style with the sherbert and sugar and crap in it. All natural smoothies with nothing more than fruit, vegetables, herbs, some all natural juice, maybe some goat’s milk, and some powdered supplements like protein and flax seed.

6) Be all natural. This is going to be the hardest since where I’m going I’m pretty sure there’s no Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s or hippy-tastic Farmer’s Markets. However, this is also the one I care the most about so hopefully I’ll be able to summon enough determination to make it possible.

LittleSpastic Out.

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Video fail and foreign travel.

Recently made a vague attempt at video blogging…turns out Blogger doesn’t get along well with videos. Now, I am on the search for a new website to put my blog on (but don’t tell the Blogger company). Looking into WordPress since that’s the website most of my favorite blogs are on but I’ve been having fail-tastic luck making an account with them. I keep forgetting to set it up as a “blog” account instead of a “username only” account. And who the hell makes it so you can’t delete your account? Idiots…

So keep an eye out for changes, you may have to update your subscription (for the two people who actually pay any attention to this blog anyway…).

In the meantime, here’s what’s new in my neck of the woods:

I’m leaving the country for a while. I’m super excited about this for a multitude of reasons.

A) It gave me an acceptable excuse to get out of the Lease From Hell. My apartment complex’s management can shove it up their ass.

B) I’m getting out of texas.

C) I’m finally going to be able to say I’ve visited another country. It is totally unacceptable for someone as obsessed with foreign cultures and ideas as I am to have never left her own country.

D) My bills will be cut down to about a third while I’m down there so I’ll finally be able to save up some money. No more Top Ramen for me!

E) And this is the most important one. I’m going to be separated from friends and family and everything I know. The internet where I’m going apparently fails. And I’m going to be thrown into a group where girls are grossly outnumbered by horny little boys.  Now, I don’t think I’m any great beauty…but I do attract a ridiculous amount of unnecessary attention even in situations where girls are the majority. All these things combined mean I’m pretty much going to be living like a hermit while I’m done there.

Now, I was later told that the internet is great if you go to a local internet cafe, you just can’t get it in your room, and that even in your room you could still do things like e-mail and facebook, you just can’t get video streaming and online games. I was also told that I could get television no problem and that there’s plenty of restaurants and bars and even a golf course. I’m ignoring all of these things. Based on the original information I began to formulate a plan and I’m sticking with that plan.

LittleSpastic Out.

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Why I’m In Love…

Completely unrelated to my journey of self-improvement..except maybe for the fact that I recognized how beautiful and precious this moment was and wanted to share it with…well…anyone who ever reads this. But mostly this is just something silly and different. Enjoy!

Me:”…why are you poking my bellybutton?”

Him:”I love your bellybutton…”

Me:*chooses to ignore him*




Me:*finally snaps*”…WHAT?!!!!”

Him:”…and all your other B’s…”


Him:”…your breasts…”


Him:”…your bum…”


Him:”…your buuu….eyeballs.”

Me:”My bibles?”

Him:”Shh…your b-ears.”

Me:”Oh, for heaven’s…my beers? Really?”

Him:”Your b-elbow…your binkey finger…”

Me:”My binkey finger?”

Him:”Yeah…cause you used it to hold your binkey!”

Me:”…But I held my binkey on my pointer finger…”

Him:”Then I love that finger, too! And I love your…um…oh! Your bicep! I love your bicep! Ha! I thought of one!”



Me:*sigh of exasperation* “I love you…”

Him:*beaming smile* “I love you too honey!”


LittleSpastic Out