Time is ticking down to the day I leave. And far more pressing is the approach of the day my boy leaves (almost a full month sooner than myself). I have two separate to-do lists: one for the military and one for home.
My home one needs to be done before my boy leaves because he’s going to be taking all of our stuff with him to drop off at the homes of my and his fathers and the plan is that when he takes all that stuff, the only things that will be left in the house will be the stuff I’m taking with me out of the country. So, I need to get every single thing in this house, down to the last thumbtack, organized into piles of what’s coming with me, what’s going with him, what’s going to our Fathers’ houses, and what’s going in the trash…and then I need to pack everything that’s not going in the trash, and then I need to clean the entire house…all before he leaves…which is soon.
My military list, on the other hand, doesn’t have to be done until I leave but I want to get it done as soon as possible because the military has an amazing talent for taking totally simple and quick processes and turning them into a giant disaster that takes months.
So, although I would like to (and really need to) focus ALL my attention on my home stuff, since that needs to be done first, due to the fact that the United States Military is (for lack of a better term without adding another paragraph or two of explanation on here) kinda fucked, I am forced to do both things at once in order to give the military ample time to lose shit, file shit wrong, write shit down wrong, send shit to the wrong place, try to find shit, forget about shit for a couple weeks until I come in and remind them, finally find shit, send shit to the RIGHT place this time, and finally get shit taken care and let me take a deep breath of relief just in time to remember to tell me about some other shit that I was supposed to do months ago that no one ever bothered to mention and now I have to jump out my ass to take care of that shit….
*sigh* These people make me a little crazy…
Anyway, the subject of this blog is self-improvement and the title of this entry is Momentum, so I should probably get to talking about those.
As you can see above, I have a whole lot of crazy shit on my plate, and right now the biggest challenge I’m facing is keeping my momentum going and my positive mental attitude in place. Every day when I get home from work, I have the choice to either relax and take a breather, or work on some of the obnoxious amounts of stuff I have to do. Usually I’m really stressed out and exhausted so I REALLY want to just sit and relax.
If I DO sit and relax, I’m going to be in a much better mood and be able to have a nice cozy relaxing night with my boy make some nice happy cozy love love memories before I have to leave and not see him for a long time, which is good. But then the next day I’m going to be thinking about all the stuff I could have gotten done instead of relaxing which is going to make me stressed out and panicky which is going to cause me to be stressed out and exhausted when I get home the next day, starting the whole process all over again.
On the other hand if I come home and get to work despite how badly I don’t want to, I will get some work done so I’ll have one less thing to be stressed out about the next day, but on that particular night I will be very unhappy and cranky and probably yell at my boy or just generally be an unpleasant person which makes for bad memories for both of us to carry around while we’re separated which doesn’t bode very well for our long distance relationship.
It’s a constant juggling act with productivity versus happiness and it’s enough to make me just want to throw up my hands and drop the whole thing so it’s a struggle every day to just keep my momentum going and not stop moving. Just like when you’re trying to get better at running: it doesn’t matter how fast you’re going or how well you’re doing, just so long as you don’t stop moving, no matter what (at least so I’m told).