Jewelry made out of typewriter keys and old watch parts. Need I say more?
So this will be the second time I’ve stolen an idea for a blog from my fellow blog writer. Sorry Tim, but it’s your fault for being so inspiring.
My life goal is to get to a point in my life where I can do nothing, preferably before I start getting wrinkly. Specifically, I wanted a job that didn’t give me homework. And I wanted to not have a shit-ton of things I had to do at home after work. I wanted to be able to get off work and stroll down to the beach and just sit and stare at the waves for hours and hours without having to think about all the other things I should be doing at that moment.
I just want to be able to bask in the completely freeing sensation of doing absolutely nothing.
It’s a good feeling…
The 100% Perfect Girl.
The 100% Perfect Lover.
So many ideas floating around about this topic. Do they exist? Will you ever find yours?
Recently I watched a movie called “TiMER” about a day in the future when everyone has bracelets implanted in their skin that count down to the day you meet your soulmate. It was interesting because, since everyone knows when they’re going to meet “the one” they don’t even bother trying to start a relationship with or fall in love with anyone else. The idea of “first love” no longer exists because you’ll only ever have one.
A while back I read an anime called 100% Perfect Girl. It was an amazing story about two people who fell in love and then had the entire world try to tear them apart over and over and over again. While reading it I did a google search for the title and found this:
Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% Perfect Girl one beautiful April Morning.
Find it here:
It’s a short story, like only a page or so. And it might just change your life.
I, sadly, forgot about it and all the amazing emotions and thoughts it brought out in me…at least until a comment a friend of mind made on Facebook brought it back.
She said: Just watched “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”… I wonder if we erased our memories of each other and met again after, would we be together all over again or just passing strangers?
This comment reminded me of Haruki Murakami’s story and got me thinking. Am I doing the right thing in letting him go? I keep saying we’re too young and we need to grow up before we settle into a relationship this serious. I keep saying we need to experience other love stories, not just stick with the very first one forever. But what if we’re just like that pair of soul mates that somehow! incredibly! met each other in that crowded city and because they were young and their minds clear they were able to see! and understand that they had found their soul mates! And then stupidly let each other go and ended up forgetting each other and losing one another forever.
What if I let him go and go out and grow up and experience life and experience other love stories and decide in the end that he WAS my soulmate afterall. And what if when I finally get around to realizing he’s perfect for me and I’m ready to go back to him…what if it’s too late by then? What if he’s decided I’m not the 100% perfect girl for him? What if he’s found someone better? What if he’s lost his memory? What if he’s dead?
I’m so scared I’m making a mistake…and even more scared that it’s a mistake I HAVE to make. I don’t have a choice. I will never be happy the way we are now.
But what if I’m doomed to be unhappy either way?
How do I feel?
I feel like shit.
I feel like there’s a big lead weight on my chest.
I feel exhausted at the mere idea of doing anything more complicated than staring out the window and moping.
I feel like crying…for hours.
I feel like laying in bed and not coming out for days…which I guess makes it a good thing I don’t have a bed right now.
I feel lonely.
I feel like letting him out of my sight for a single second was the worst mistake I ever made.
I feel like I can’t wait to leave this stupid city that’s full of memories of him.
I feel like an idiot.
I feel like I’m really going to regret this later.
I feel shitty.
I don’t have time to talk about it in detail right now but I at least want to say SOMETHING about this for now and maybe I’ll fill in the details later.
My boy and I are splitting up.
Now, I’m not on here to vent or anything. I’m putting this up only as it applies to the theme of my blog: Self-improvement.
My boy and I came to a mutual decision that we both have a lot of growing up and self-improvement to do and we’re not going to be able to effectively improve ourselves as individuals if we’re constantly focusing on improving ourselves and growing as a couple.
For this reason, along with many others that I’m not going to go into now, the day I leave the country has now just gained a whole new level of symbolism. It now not only represents a chance for me to get a new outlook on the world fascilitated by a new physical location, as well as a chance to be alone and get to know myself again, it now also represents the beginning of my young adulthood.
You see, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I went straight from my parent’s house to a full-blown serious relationship. I effectively went straight from childhood to middle age and ever since then it has been a constant worry at the back of my mind that I would never get to experience simply being a single and free young adult.
I am very sad that I will be separated from someone I care so much for but far more am I enthusiastic and optimistic for what this will mean for my personal growth and spiritual stability.
Wish me luck! I’ll keep you posted.