Today’s post comes in the form of a copy of an e-mail I wrote to my Momsy. It’s possible that you don’t want to read about this subject, but I don’t care. This is my blog and I am writing about my journey and this is a part of that journey. Also, I think the most damaging part of most STDs isn’t the symptoms, it’s the social stigma that goes with them. That stigma keeps a lot of people from being able to vent or seek emotional support during a very difficult and painful time. So, it’s not much, but if my writing this stupid little blog post can make just a few people a little less judgemental toward people with STDs and a little more understanding and willing to listen, then I will feel like I really fucking accomplished something beautiful. So here goes:
Sooo…I went to the doctor today. It turns out that your lovely daughter just got her first (and hopefully last) STD. HOORAY!!!!
Just goes to show what a rebel I am, challenging the stereotype that you have to be gay or a slut to get an STD. Turns out you can also be a naive girl who’s only ever kissed 3 people in her whole life.
Now, before you get all mad at Mike, I’m actually about 80% sure I gave it to him. The doctor said that it can chill in your system for quite some time and only show it’s ugly face after an intense bout of stress. Well, I have been EXTREMELY stressed for the last month or so and then, of course, I just recently got over MONO/Jaundice which definately stressed out my body. And then there’s the fact that Mike didn’t start noticing anything until two days after I did, so…pretty sure this was my bad…some sort of thoughtful parting gift from my ex-husband the so-called virgin. Mike is trying REALLY hard to get me to blame him, though. However, I REFUSE!!!
Um, but yeah, so that’s what I was freaking out about recently. I didn’t want to say anything to you until I knew for sure. Didn’t want to freak you out for no reason. But I’m glad I at least told you that SOMETHING was wrong cause I really appreciated the very mom-like words of comfort.
Oh! I just realized I haven’t told you what I have! Well, in case you wanted to know (or even if you didn’t >_< ) Mike and I are now the proud co-owners of a very nice Herpes virus. You know, one of the ones that ISN’T curable? The one that stays with you for your entire life? I believe I should get an over-acheivement award for this one. What’s that you say mother? You think I sound sarcastic? Yes, well, that’s how I deal with trajedy and destruction: sarcasm. Learned it from my father. Which reminds me: I need to call him and thank him for this fantastically awful luck he gave me.
I’ll call you soon to discuss things with you more (and more importantly to talk to you about more pleasant things)…once I manage to do a little bit of processing on this colossal load that got dropped on my shoulders today…also when my lady areas don’t hurt quite so excruciatingly bad. For now, I’ll just set your mind at ease that Mike is fulfilling his (at this point daily and never ending) duty of waiting on me hand and foot and constantly doing anything in his poser to make me feel better and to keep my spirits high. I don’t know what I would be doing right now if he wasn’t here. Probably much less laughing and witty sarcasm and a little more searching for loose razor blades. So rest assured momsy dear! I am in very good hands and I am handling my lot with grace and tres-amusant-ness and all will be well in the end. Someday I will write a brilliant book about all this and make millions.
Your darling daughter.