Journey to the Good Place.

Know yourself. Love yourself.

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Dog: Guarder of house by day, Guarder of vagina by night.



When my boyfriend adopted a pureblood baby husky, he knew it wasn’t gonna be easy. He had spent time in the past with my roommates 3 yr old purebreed husky and had come to know quite intimately what difficult animals they are.

For anyone who has never had the privilege, here’s a quick introduction to the huskie breed:
~Owning a husky is like babysitting a kid who is 20 times more intelligent than you are and has no problem reminding you of that fact at every opportunity. If you are unable to establish dominance and make them respect you, or if you allow them to get bored, they will put their highly impressive brain to work on finding the most effective means of displaying their displeasure.

Some examples of punishments that I’ve seen inflicted by huskies upon their owners:
-“Oh, you leave me home with no toys? I take everything paper out of the trashcan, tear it into paw sized pieces, and place one piece in every square foot of the living room. Then I sit in the middle and wait for you to come home so you know I did it on purpose and feel no remorse.”
-“Oh, you hear me knock at the back door and don’t let me in imediately? I knock over all your flower pots, then grab all the plants in my mouth and scatter them all over the yard to make absolutely sure you can’t put them back and save them. Then I dig a big hole just past the edge of the porch so when you walk out back you will hopefully fall in it and break a leg. Then if you have still failed to let me in, I will begin digging up your bushes and trees one at a time until you finally open the door.”
-“Oh, you lock me in the bedroom because the other dog made piddle inside and you need to clean it without me walking through it? I did not request to go in your room, so I will poop in the very center of your bed. Then I will sit in the center of the room and wait for you to come discover it. I will wait while you stare in shock and bewilderment. I will wait while you summon your roommate. I will wait while she stares in shock and bewilderment, then I will proceed to punish myself by putting myself in my cage so that you can’t even vent some of your anger by punishing me, all you can do is take it like a bitch.”

My boyfriend had heard all these stories before he chose to adopt a husky, he was prepared for her tyrany and has been the best dog~daddy a husky could ask for. However, there was one personality trait he was unprepared for, which he didn’t even discover until I came to visit.

If you read my previous post you know that I am about 3/4 through my 2 week visit with my boyfriend. Unfortunately, my boyfriend had to work for a good chunk of my time here and I don’t have a car here, so I ended up getting to spend a good amount of quality time stuck at home bonding with the dog. As a result, she and I are now quite close. However, I didn’t realize just HOW close until last night.

So my boyfriend and I are laying in bed cuddling….some kissing ensues…and one thing leads to another and we start getting bus~ay. We didn’t hear the dog come in but all of a sudden she leaps onto the bed and tries to insert herself between us and even nips at my boyfriend a little. He shoves her off the bed and we continue where we left off. A bit later we finish and as we head to the bathroom to clean up, we notice the dog curled up in the corner with an accusing scarred-for-life look on her face. We both laugh, give her a reassuring pat on her head and continue to the bathroom. We come back to the bedroom, get in bed, and no sooner have I gotten under the covers but the dog jumps on top of the bed, nestles herself between my legs and looks up at me with a pouty worried expression.

“Look at her!” I exclaim to my boyfriend, “It’s like she’s trying to make sure I’m ok; like she thinks you were hurting me or something.”

“Oh poor thing,” he says and starts to reach out to pat her head. She gives him an acusatory glare and promptly buries her muzzle in my lady parts. My boyfriend bursts out laughing, “It’s like she’s saying ‘No more shall enter here’.”

“You think it’s funny,” I say, “but I can’t budge her and I’m still half sitting. I would prefer to be laying down so I can sleep.”

“Okay, okay,” he says and reaches out to try and move the dog away from my vag. She responds by biting him and growling and, when he withdraws his hand, crawling forward until she’s crouching over my pelvis like a lioness defending her cub.

“Well,” I say looking at my boyfriend while wearing a wolf’s fur chastity belt. “Looks like you wont be getting laid for awhile, guess you did TOO good of a job raising a guard dog.” His facial expression is, understandably, Le Displeased.


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Mushy couple time.

08:59 PM Today summed up in a single conversation:

Him: “Honey, what’s wrong? Why do you seem so distant and mopey?”
Me: “Nothings wrong honey I’m fine. Just a little ick from too much time spent watching tv.”
Him: “Oh…ok….” *silent pause*
Me: “Babe…what are you doing?”
Him: *from somewhere in the vicinity of my boob* “Nooothiiing….”
Me: “Sweety, we’re not having sex right now.”
Him: *slightly muffled from down near my hip bone* “Why not?”
Me: “I’m just not in the mood.”
Him: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Just what I said. I was in the mood earlier but now I’m not.”

*silent pause followed by him flying up into the air and landing straddling me with warrior face*

Him: “I KNEW IT!!! Did I turn down sex in my sleep again???? Is that why you’ve been so cranky today?”
Me: “…Well you weren’t really sleeping….I had woken you up…”
Him: “OMIGOD!!! BABE!!! I’ve TOLD you, for the first 20 minutes after I wake up you can’t take ANYTHING I say seriously! And I’ve ALSO told you that I will NEVER turn down sex with you; not if my life depends on it Even if I’m in a torture chamber with my penis in a clamp and some torture man is threatening to do seriously awful things to it unless I tell you I don’t want to have sex with you, I still wont do it. If you hear me even come remotely close to doing so, I’m obviously either unconscious or on drugs and you have GOT to ignore me. Okay?”
Me: “…okay.”
Him: “So are we okay now?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “…Can we have sex now?”
Me: “…Maybe later. I have a few minutes worth of pout I still have to use up.”
Him: “Oh….ok.”

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Marriage practice

07:29 PM Halfway through my two week visit with Mike in Florida. I love it here soooo much. In a lot of ways this little town reminds me of Klamath Falls…something about the victorian teahouse meets trailer park vibe. It’s going to be very hard for me to leave this lovely place and go back to the shithole that is San Antonio TX. We haven’t done much special since were both broke, but I’m okay with that. We’ve pretty much spent this whole week just practicing what it’ll be like when we’re finally living together. I cleaned the house my second day here and found a nice couch for cheap on craigslist to replace the broken down one he had before. We went to the beach for a bit and reminisced over memories from cuba. He took me to work and showed me off to all his bosses and coworkers. Been bonding with Chezza, went to a movie, ate at a sushi bar so on and so forth.

The most interesting thing we’ve done was a volunteer event where 500 5th graders came to the hanger on base and the military members helped them construct these plastic cubes 10ft squared in size. It was insane, like room-sized origami. Mike and I got a group of 8 kids to work with and it was so much fun. Our group finished first, had no problems with our cube like other groups did, and most importantly we had absolutely no behavioral problems with our kids. Mike grabbed their attention from the get go and made sure that every kid had a job at every stage of the project In fact, a few of our kids played babysitter to the groups next to us, fussing at them to calm down so they wouldn’t break the cubes. I was so proud! I’m suddenly feeling a little more confident about my eventual parenthood.

Right at this moment i’m watching my sexy boyfriend doing manly things,
fixing the porch with some chicken wire (my idea) so that Chezza can’t escape anymore.

Apologies in advance for my crudeness, but i just have to say that seeing my boy in dark wash jeans with just a hint of boxer showing, and that black wife beater contrasting his ginger coloring and showing off all his wiry irish muscles, and watching said muscles repeatedly flexing and releasing as he hammers in a row of nails…its all combining to make me very cranky that we can’t have sex until I finish healing. image

What I wouldn’t give for a more durable vagina! It just figures that one of the few girls in the world who actually wants to have sex as much or more than her guy does, can’t because her vagina tears apart after the third day and needs a week to heal. Such bullshit! Although I suppose I’ve partially done it to myself. I wouldn’t have this problem if I chose a guy with a small penis or a guy who cums within 30 seconds. Then, not only would I be able to have sex every day without injury, I would also stop wanting sex entirely and my poor vagina would be left in peace. Wouldn’t that be lovely? But nooooo…I had to choose from the long-lasting and well-endowed pools and ended up with a guy who turned me from a nun to a sex addict overnight. Bully for me.

In other, more pg-13 appropriate news, got word from Freddy today that she finally got ahold of our landlord and ironed out the roommate issue and one of my favorite little gay boys will be moving in this weekend. It’s very relieving to know I won’t have to live with strangers when Freddy moves to her new duty station.

I’ve had a lot of fun times and learning experiences living with roommates…but I’ve started noticing a small tension winding up between my shoulders whenever I think about that living situation. It’ll be a relief when the only roommates I have to worry about are my boyfriend (fiance by then probly) and my dogs.