01:47 AM, Friday 14 September 2012
You don’t have your phone with you, so ill leave this message here instead and pretend that you’re reading it as I type it and maybe that will make me feel better.
I need you right now. I need to feel your arms around me, your warmth at my back. But that’s not possible because you’re 3 states away…so let’s try this again:
I need you right now. I need to hear your voice on the phone. And its not your fault that I can’t have that, you didn’t do anything wrong, its just bad timing. Any other day I would be fine with you leaving your phone home to charge while you go to the bar…and I told you it was fine today, I know I did…but then it started raining.
The rain is for you and me. It always has been.
When the tropical storms would come at the beginning of our relationship the big fat raindrops on the metal roofs made such a racket that it was the only time we could have sex and fully give ourselves to the moment. In that cocoon of chaotic noise we could pretend we were a normal couple…one that didn’t have to pretend we were just “bros” in public and that had to bite their own hands and stuff pillows behind the headboard to keep from making noise through the paper thin walls and letting the whole world know we were doing something we weren’t supposed to.
On rainy days we could spend all day together, just the two of us and be fully ourselves without having to worry about anyone coming and knocking on our doors and forcing us to come up with excuses for why I’m in your room or why you weren’t in your room so early in the morning.
I will never forget the day the hurricane hit and we had to swim home together and as soon as we made it to higher ground, you said “I’ve always wanted to do this” and spun around and grabbed my face and kissed me with waterfalls streaming down on both of us. I made fun of you for acting out a scene from some stupid sappy chick flick, but it was just as beautiful and unforgettable as all those stupid girls in their shiny lip gloss always tried to convince me it would be, and all I could think for the rest of the night was “How can I NOT marry a guy who has the magic ability to make a tomboy like me swoon over cheesy romantic movie scenes”.
Of all the nights that you’ve held me in your arms, it’s the times when its raining that I feel you most clearly. The rainy nights are the ones I can most easily remember, the ones I pull out of my memory boxes when I’m missing you and need to pretend you’re here so I’ll be able to fall asleep.
And its the rainy nights when I most clearly feel the lack of you here. It is the rainy nights when I feel the most broken, the most out of sorts without you. It is the rainy nights when I most need to hear your voice.
It is not your fault you don’t have your phone right now. But I really hope this message somehow reaches you by psychic bandwidth and you feel a sudden overpowering need to leave the bar and go home and check your phone and see the missed call from me and call me back because I really need to get some sleep soon and I can’t do that until I talk to you.
I need you.