Had a session with my therapist this morning. Today’s topic was my Separation Anxiety. Since I was a little kid I’ve had the unfortunate inclination to live in constant fear that everyone and everything I care about is going to leave me. This inclination, in turn, causes an unforunate habit of seeing something I like and immediately grabbing it in a death grip to keep it from escaping. This is unsettling with objects, but with people it is disastrous and often pushes them away even faster.
I was reminded to bring up this particular topic today not, as you may think, due to something related to Mike and I. I thought of it due to an outing this last weekend with a friend of mine. My friend J invited me out to Oktoberfest on Saturday. This was a big thing for me because I haven’t been getting out much due to everything I’ve been going through. So I met him at his house and we drove over there with two of his friends I had never met. When we got there we met up with two more people I didn’t know and we all spent the day enjoying all Oktoberfest had to offer as a group. It was awesome.
…And then I spent the next couple days having a staring contest with my phone. I had to repeatedly remind myself that it’s not okay to obsessively text people and also that if they don’t talk to me every day it doesn’t for sure mean they don’t like me so I should just calm the fuck down. It was way harder than it should have been. So…yeah.
On the bright side: it gave me and my therapist something to talk about now that we’ve finished family issues, dating issues, and future career plan issues. More good news: my therapist says that the fact that I’m able to see it happening shows that I”m making progress towards fixing it.
So…you know. One step at a time I guess.