Please click the following link and go read this beautiful post:
It is a brilliantly written description of a feeling that has been felt by almost every girl I know at one time or another. Most girls I know have this vague idea that they are a destructive force, a deadly poison to those who would try and love them. They break someone’s heart, usually through no fault of their own, rather because the relationship just wasn’t meant to be. But even so, they blame themselves and are crushed by guilt. They don’t ever want to feel that guilt again, so they lock themselves up inside, behind a wall of emotional barriers. Sort of a “quarantining myself for the good of mankind” kind of thing.
But it backfires, because just because you’ve closed your heart up, doesn’t mean people won’t still find a way to love you. And loving someone with a locked up heart has significantly higher odds of getting hurt than loving someone with an open heart. So you keep hurting people, and the walls around your heart keep getting higher and thicker and stronger. So not only does the cycle keep going, it gains speed with every loop.
I mean, I’m not 100% sure that’s what Amaryllis is about, but its what it made me think of, and I wanted to re-post it in the hopes that maybe some lovely lady will read it and it will open her eyes and help her end the cycle before it spins out of control.