In case y’all haven’t noticed yet. I’ve been in one of those “low” trends in the up and down roller coaster of life. Not surprising, this often happens when I’m facing a major life change. I’m trying my best to keep teetering on the edge of the gigantic gaping hole of depression I feel opening up beneath me, and not let myself fall in. And I’m sure I’ll do just fine like I always do, but in the meantime this daily struggle is pretty exhausting.
So I found this song quite by accident, not sure why it affected me as strong as it did. It is like every day my soul inside is a hectic car chase scene in an over the top action movie set on fast-forward, and then this song started playing and someone hit pause, and everything inside me, all the jagged pieces of glass fused into make-shift butterflies that are always zooming around so hectically inside of me and crashing into each other and chipping little glass shards off of each other that fly off and tear right through me…they all just froze for a second. For just a few seconds everything inside of me was quiet and still and calm. All the furious glass butterflies and screaming things laid down and were content. And it was such a beautiful relief I started crying. And now I’m just listening to the song over and over just hoping to keep that feeling a little bit longer.
And somehow this insane dysfunctional video just makes the feeling 10 times stronger. It’s like somehow the artists planned the song and the video specifically for the way it affects me, like one of the members of this band also has jagged metal butterflies inside him and understands, and picked this images and colors and flashes of light specifically to heal that particular spiritual ailment.
Anyone else know what I’m talking about? Anyone else listen to this song and feel like the jagged cracking ice inside of them is melting into a steamy warm soothing bubble bath for their heart to float in? Or am I just out of my fucking mind?