Since I have nothing better to do and I’m in a shitty mood, I’m making a list of things I fail at. We already discussed #1: Romance. Now for thing #2: Sleeping alone. When I have a designated special someone to lay next to, when I can contentedly watch their chest slowly rise and fall with breath and feel the heat emanating off them, I fall asleep within minutes of my head touching the pillow and sleep like a corpse all night. But when I’m alone, it doesn’t matter how tired I am, I lay wide awake until the wee hours of the morning, then toss and turn and wake up every hour. This, to me, is a sign of a profound glitch somewhere in my construction.
It would appear this insomnia won’t be going away any time soon either, due to the distinct lack of male talent in and around my hometown (not that I would be able to forget about Mr. Rockstar long enough to notice anyone else even if there was anyone worth noticing). And since me lying awake for hours in the middle of the night has historically led to me quickly spiralling down a psychological rabbit hole to emo-land, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize in advance for the buzzkill-tastic posts that will surely follow.