So I don’t think I wanna be a vixen succubus anymore.
Up until now I’ve gotten a lot of pride from the knowledge that a night with me could change a mans life…but I recently realized that in all my favorite love stories they fell in love and had an entire relationship before they even had their first kiss.
And yes I’m aware how idiotic and cliche I sound. “Oh, really? You regret being a slut because it JUST MIGHT have something to do with boys treating you like shit? Oh fancy that.” But to clarify, its not like I have sex on the first date, or that I have sex with every cute guy I meet. I think 5 total sex partners for a 24 yr old girl in the modern age is pretty reasonable. But sex isn’t really what I’m talking about. Its just the overall cavalier laid back attitude I portray because I know its what guys like. You know the one:
“Oh you wanna kiss me? Well you’re cute, so why not? I’m not one of those stuck up prudish girls who is gonna make you get to know me and take me on a fancy date before I let you stick your tongue down my throat or grab my boob.”
“Oh you think that girl over there is hot? I don’t care. I’m not one of those silly girls who gets all worked up over things like that. Hell, I think she’s hot too and I’m not afraid to admit it.”
“You say you have a sexual fantasy that no girl has ever been willing to do with you before? Well I’m a forward thinking adventurous woman, so you never know, maybe someday I’d be willing to do it with you.”
You know, all the perfect phrases that bypass a guys sensible brain and go straight to the part of his brain that fuels his wet dreams and makes him putty in a girls hands.
And while I really enjoyed playing the part of a postmodern woman who wasn’t all hung up in the societal expectation that all women should hate sex and be total prudes, and while I was proud that I had no problem admitting that I liked sex as much as men do and saw no reason to beat around the bush and make the guy jump through hurdles for me…recently its made me really sad to realize that I’ve maybe cheated myself out of ever having a beautiful love story because I always jump straight to the last chapter.
So I’m thinking maybe its time I try things the old fashioned way and actually make a guy work to get me for once. And once again, I don’t mean sex, they’ve always had to work for that. But a guy has never had to work very hard to get my undivided attention or my smile or my phone number or my kiss. And I’m starting to think those parts of me should be worth more than a clever joke and the words “I’m in a band.”
Yeah it was nice having so many good looking guys following me around all the time…but rather than have a 100 guys following me and knowing that every one of them will disappoint me and break my heart, I would much rather only have one guy following me and know that he might actually be worth my time.