It has been over two years since I last wrote on this blog, which is not new. This blog has gone on temporary hiatus several times over the years for various reasons. Sometimes I get too busy, sometimes I forget this blog even exists. Every time I am a little ashamed of myself for so easily abandoning what I see as an important documentation of how, no matter how dark and sad and disappointing your life gets, it is still possible to claw your way out and find a happy and rewarding life.
This time, however, I actually had a good reason to take a break.
The last time I wrote on this blog was December of 2014. I was neck deep in the joy of the college experience. I was writing some amazing papers, getting involved in some very rewarding research opportunities, and making friends I could have deep intellectual conversations with. I had recently moved in with a boyfriend who I didn’t have the best connection with, but who treated me like a goddess, which was a nice change after years of hot guys who treated me like something disposable. I sometimes worried that I was taking advantage of that particular boyfriend because I couldn’t afford to move out of my father’s house on my own. However, I was pretty sure that staying in my father’s house for another month would end in a dramatic suicide, so I compromised by being the most thoughtful girlfriend ever for as long as I could manage it. Also, trying to fly through a Bachelor’s in psychology very quickly and build as many professional contacts as possible along the way, kept me busy enough to ignore my conscience.
June of 2016 things took a dramatic turn. I finally got sick of pretending and told my boyfriend that we needed to break up. There was a lot of yelling and tears at first but, after a small adjustment period, said boyfriend realized he’d never really loved me as much as he had loved the idea of a girlfriend, and we transitioned from “couple” to “roommates” without much hassle.
July of 2015 I was dating a female chef with dreadlocks and skin the color of a mocha latte, which means I was living out several long dormant dreams at once. On our third date, we were drinking wine and having a great time making fun of B-level 80’s comedies, when I received a phone call that probably changed my entire life, and definitely killed a young relationship. My stepsister called me to tell me that my father had been arrested for attempted murder. Now, my father was a very good person, but his overall personality was a bit hard to digest and he was married to a woman who would make Ghandi go on a murder spree, so the concept that he might have finally snapped and gone violent was not a huge shock. However, my stepsister then went on to tell me how he had supposedly attempted murder, and I laughed so hard I peed a little. The dumbest kindergartner I ever met could have written a more believable story, and I was convinced the case would be thrown out of court immediately.
August of 2015 I was picking classes for the Fall semester and my father was still in jail, although he had yet to be formally convicted of anything or even have any evidence laid against him.
January of 2016 I started picking classes for the Spring semester and my father was still in jail. There was still no conviction and no evidence. In addition, I had called my stepmother to ask about retrieving my belongings and family heirlooms that had been left in my father’s home. She responded by getting a restraining order against me, which was delivered to me at my college in front of my classmates and professors. Spring semester of 2016 was supposed to be my second to last semester, but after watching my family explode and experiencing so much awful drama in such a short period of time, in addition to generally being treated like a criminal for no reason, I was ready to get out of Colorado as quickly as possible. Therefore, I decided to graduate one semester early. This meant that I spent 5 months drowning in 21 credit hours, two research projects, a part time job as an administrative assistant, a VP position in my local Psi Chi honor society, and entirely too many interactions with the legal system.
May of 2016, I graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology and came straight home to start packing. Two days and one full pickup bed later, I was on my way to Oregon. I only managed to bring the most important 1/4 of my possessions with me, leaving the rest behind in Colorado.
Arriving in Oregon was a huge ending and beginning in my life which marked a huge positive upswing in my life, so I will discuss what has happened to me since arriving in Oregon in another post later on.
Thanks for reading, and keep working on that journey to the good life!